JOE
I was raised in Katanning, a country town. It’s close knit, you know everybody. For me, my friends were my family because I had 30 odd cousins there. It was really nice for me in that supportive environment but also very hard for my lifestyle, which I hid the whole time I was in Katanning. I moved to Perth to study at 18; a big change. I knew no one in Perth.
It was hard for me as a teenager because I knew I was different from the other boys at school. They were talking about girls and I knew I wasn’t interested in girls. I didn’t understand it. I was good at school and sport so I channelled my energy into those things. I shut off that part of me but also at the time I didn’t really know who I was. Only when I left Katanning did I know more - when I was in Perth I saw lots of people in homosexual relationships and that’s when I sort of started thinking ‘Actually I think I now understand what I was feeling in high school’.
I got approval from my family before getting into a relationship with somebody. It was hard. I love them so much that I couldn’t bear to lose them. In my mind I’d rather not live the lifestyle so that I could keep them. I waited three years before telling them. After coming out to them I’ve realised that doesn’t matter and that they love me for who I am. At the start it was especially for my grandma to understand. But of all my family she was the most inquisitive and asked the most personal questions about it. She wanted to understand and know who I was because she and I are close. So I wanted to help her understand.
My coming out story to my family was interesting. I was driving home after a movie, feeling distraught but not knowing why. I pulled over and called my mum, crying. She started crying too. I was like ‘Mum I haven’t even told you yet’, ‘Mum I’m gay’. She said ‘It’s ok, we had our suspicions but we weren’t sure because you’d never mentioned it. We still love you’. Then my next trip down to Katanning I was scared. Mum saw me and gave me a big hug and told me she loved me. We held that hug for a while. After that mum and I have been extra close. My dad pulled me aside at one time and says ‘So mum tells me you’re gay’. I said ‘Yup’. That was the end of the conversation. I think it was hardest for dad, that part of our relationship; it has taken years for him to understand who I am but I think explaining it to him along the way has really helped, and introducing him to friends and people I’ve been attracted to has really helped and now it’s more of a joke, he even catches me looking at guys. We have a good laugh about it.
My grandma’s response was most interesting. She pulled me aside and said ‘I don’t want you to live a lifestyle like this. I will pay for you to go to a brothel to have sex with a woman and feel how good it is and then you’ll change your mind’. I was so shocked. I didn’t know what to say. That was where the conversation stopped then. I just said ‘I love you, we’ll talk about this later’. Since then, grandma has been very inquisitive, even asking what goes on in the bedroom in some detail. When we had that conversation, I think us just sort of saying it out loud really helped her to actually come to grips with it all. Our relationship got a lot closer at that point too. She realised that I’m no different to anyone else in the family; I just want to find that special someone to spend my life with.
After coming out at 21 I decided I needed to get into sport and group activities. My family, although they don’t play music or sing, are very music oriented and always have music playing. I love all music, from what my grandma listened to, to what my young brother grew up with. I joined the choir four years ago. It’s interesting singing in a big choir because there are certain times when you feel alone (in rehearsal when you’re learning a new song) but then most of the time when you’re singing with everyone else you feel connected. You blend and listen as much as you produce your own voice.
My best performance with the choir was the one we’ve just had – our 25th anniversary performance. There was a performance and personal stories were shared. I shared a personal story about my growing up in a country town, coming out and how hard that was for me. I’d not told the story before. It was such a relief to share it. People told me afterwards how similar their situation had been. I felt loved and supported.
Love is love. You can’t control who you fall in love with and sometimes it’s just going to be really hard to show it in public. But push through and persevere – help people to understand and they will understand. Don’t be afraid to be who you are. Being afraid of who you are makes it harder to love other people.
I would love to have kids at some stage, it’s just a matter of things being right at the time. I’ve considered having kids as a single person but I think it might be hard for the kids. I think having a partner and having a more ‘normal’ setting as a family is the best environment. But life is full of unexpected things so we’ll just see!
It was hard for me as a teenager because I knew I was different from the other boys at school. They were talking about girls and I knew I wasn’t interested in girls. I didn’t understand it. I was good at school and sport so I channelled my energy into those things. I shut off that part of me but also at the time I didn’t really know who I was. Only when I left Katanning did I know more - when I was in Perth I saw lots of people in homosexual relationships and that’s when I sort of started thinking ‘Actually I think I now understand what I was feeling in high school’.
I got approval from my family before getting into a relationship with somebody. It was hard. I love them so much that I couldn’t bear to lose them. In my mind I’d rather not live the lifestyle so that I could keep them. I waited three years before telling them. After coming out to them I’ve realised that doesn’t matter and that they love me for who I am. At the start it was especially for my grandma to understand. But of all my family she was the most inquisitive and asked the most personal questions about it. She wanted to understand and know who I was because she and I are close. So I wanted to help her understand.
My coming out story to my family was interesting. I was driving home after a movie, feeling distraught but not knowing why. I pulled over and called my mum, crying. She started crying too. I was like ‘Mum I haven’t even told you yet’, ‘Mum I’m gay’. She said ‘It’s ok, we had our suspicions but we weren’t sure because you’d never mentioned it. We still love you’. Then my next trip down to Katanning I was scared. Mum saw me and gave me a big hug and told me she loved me. We held that hug for a while. After that mum and I have been extra close. My dad pulled me aside at one time and says ‘So mum tells me you’re gay’. I said ‘Yup’. That was the end of the conversation. I think it was hardest for dad, that part of our relationship; it has taken years for him to understand who I am but I think explaining it to him along the way has really helped, and introducing him to friends and people I’ve been attracted to has really helped and now it’s more of a joke, he even catches me looking at guys. We have a good laugh about it.
My grandma’s response was most interesting. She pulled me aside and said ‘I don’t want you to live a lifestyle like this. I will pay for you to go to a brothel to have sex with a woman and feel how good it is and then you’ll change your mind’. I was so shocked. I didn’t know what to say. That was where the conversation stopped then. I just said ‘I love you, we’ll talk about this later’. Since then, grandma has been very inquisitive, even asking what goes on in the bedroom in some detail. When we had that conversation, I think us just sort of saying it out loud really helped her to actually come to grips with it all. Our relationship got a lot closer at that point too. She realised that I’m no different to anyone else in the family; I just want to find that special someone to spend my life with.
After coming out at 21 I decided I needed to get into sport and group activities. My family, although they don’t play music or sing, are very music oriented and always have music playing. I love all music, from what my grandma listened to, to what my young brother grew up with. I joined the choir four years ago. It’s interesting singing in a big choir because there are certain times when you feel alone (in rehearsal when you’re learning a new song) but then most of the time when you’re singing with everyone else you feel connected. You blend and listen as much as you produce your own voice.
My best performance with the choir was the one we’ve just had – our 25th anniversary performance. There was a performance and personal stories were shared. I shared a personal story about my growing up in a country town, coming out and how hard that was for me. I’d not told the story before. It was such a relief to share it. People told me afterwards how similar their situation had been. I felt loved and supported.
Love is love. You can’t control who you fall in love with and sometimes it’s just going to be really hard to show it in public. But push through and persevere – help people to understand and they will understand. Don’t be afraid to be who you are. Being afraid of who you are makes it harder to love other people.
I would love to have kids at some stage, it’s just a matter of things being right at the time. I’ve considered having kids as a single person but I think it might be hard for the kids. I think having a partner and having a more ‘normal’ setting as a family is the best environment. But life is full of unexpected things so we’ll just see!