FRAN
Growing up I didn’t have emotions for anyone one way or another, I just drifted along. I did my work, did athletics and netball. I didn’t feel like I was one of the girls but I loved sport and people appreciated that, so I felt like I fitted in. I met my future husband doing athletics while at Kent St High School. I had joined a running club to compete and he was a main competitor there; the coach asked him to assist me. He was an Olympian so he went to Melbourne for a year. When he came back we started going out. We ended up great friends and looking back, that could be all we ever were. I don’t feel regret about it and I don’t think I cheated him because I didn’t know what was happening until a lot later. We had three gorgeous daughters and I have five beautiful grandsons. So no regrets at all, except that he could maybe have had a happier life.
I noticed as I got older that I would focus on a certain woman and really want to be with them, talk to them, do anything I could to help them out. And if I went out in a social situation I’d find myself wanting to talk to women rather than the men. Men kind of bored me. I noticed that. But that was held in check until I finally met a woman that I really did fancy. And still I wasn’t like ‘Oh my gosh I’m a lesbian’, instead I thought I’d do more activities with her so I could be with her more. And then there was another one after that.
My husband told me on a family holiday – and I’ll never be more grateful to him for this – ‘You know what, I think you like women.’ Another year passed before anything else happened. At that stage we got a computer and I was able to search ‘lesbian’ to see what it meant. I was able to talk to people in chat sites and I had a little crush on someone on the internet. I thought ‘This is not going anywhere, if I am going to find out what’s going on, I need to meet someone here’. Strangely enough, very soon a local woman popped up, and the penny just dropped. It was like ‘Woah. So that’s what everyone’s been talking about.’ It’s a classic phrase but I really felt like I’d come home. Being with her I realised ‘Ah so this is what it’s all about. The passion. I understand the silly songs that you hear on the radio.’
Things got messy for a bit that year. I wasn’t ready to tell everyone at first so I had counselling. My husband guessed in the end; a really sad day. Then I thought ‘This is a close neighbourhood, word’s going to get out. My daughters need to know’. So that was the next big coming out, to them as a family. So we had a roast dinner and my husband came and stood behind me and said ‘Your mum’s got some news’. I guess I needed prompting. He said ‘We still love each other but your mum has discovered what’s going on here’. And I basically said ‘girls, I think I’m gay’. None of my family were homophobic but there was upset over the fact that the family was breaking up. My family’s been amazing.
I think I became a bit of a celebrity among my youngest daughter’s friends for a while. I was always giving them lifts everywhere. Usually they’d just leap in the back and start talking to each other behind me. But this day they all hopped in and looked at me and said ‘Hey Fran’, ‘Fran!’, ‘Hi, Fran’. It was like they were giving their approval, letting me know, or perhaps I was just much more interesting all of a sudden!
I’ve got to admit it. I was like a teenager at first. Totally enthralled with the woman I had met, and then when we broke up after three months I was singing all of those songs that teenagers sing about broken hearts and everything else. I was fairly useless as a mother for a while.
When I came out I lost a couple of friends but mostly I found if I took the time to explain my journey they were there for me. A few friends said ‘Just ride it out, why do you have to leave?’ but I couldn’t go back, I couldn’t pretend. And because the family unit broke down, I moved out and joined other groups. Then I realised the new people I met were more in tune with where I was and had more similar values to me than my previous connections. I’ve still got two or three really great friends from that time but largely it’s new friends now.
One of my counsellor’s suggestions was that I needed to meet people to make new friends. I joined a gay tennis club, a lesbian snorkelling club and then the choir. I’ve always loved singing and dreamed of singing on stage one day so joining the choir was a no brainer. It’s given me a really great friendship base and outlook on life. It’s given me travel, stimulation, the ability to achieve things that I’ve thought I’d like to do but never thought I would. On a Thursday I might think ‘I just want to stay on the couch’ but then I come and love it. We’re at a really high standard but we have fun. We care about each other and we help anyone going through a hard time. I call it ‘My other family’.
The Gay Games and singing in the Opera House were choir highlights. We also joined in with the other choirs from around the world and backed up k.d.laing - I’ll always remember the ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ as she approached the stage.
I noticed as I got older that I would focus on a certain woman and really want to be with them, talk to them, do anything I could to help them out. And if I went out in a social situation I’d find myself wanting to talk to women rather than the men. Men kind of bored me. I noticed that. But that was held in check until I finally met a woman that I really did fancy. And still I wasn’t like ‘Oh my gosh I’m a lesbian’, instead I thought I’d do more activities with her so I could be with her more. And then there was another one after that.
My husband told me on a family holiday – and I’ll never be more grateful to him for this – ‘You know what, I think you like women.’ Another year passed before anything else happened. At that stage we got a computer and I was able to search ‘lesbian’ to see what it meant. I was able to talk to people in chat sites and I had a little crush on someone on the internet. I thought ‘This is not going anywhere, if I am going to find out what’s going on, I need to meet someone here’. Strangely enough, very soon a local woman popped up, and the penny just dropped. It was like ‘Woah. So that’s what everyone’s been talking about.’ It’s a classic phrase but I really felt like I’d come home. Being with her I realised ‘Ah so this is what it’s all about. The passion. I understand the silly songs that you hear on the radio.’
Things got messy for a bit that year. I wasn’t ready to tell everyone at first so I had counselling. My husband guessed in the end; a really sad day. Then I thought ‘This is a close neighbourhood, word’s going to get out. My daughters need to know’. So that was the next big coming out, to them as a family. So we had a roast dinner and my husband came and stood behind me and said ‘Your mum’s got some news’. I guess I needed prompting. He said ‘We still love each other but your mum has discovered what’s going on here’. And I basically said ‘girls, I think I’m gay’. None of my family were homophobic but there was upset over the fact that the family was breaking up. My family’s been amazing.
I think I became a bit of a celebrity among my youngest daughter’s friends for a while. I was always giving them lifts everywhere. Usually they’d just leap in the back and start talking to each other behind me. But this day they all hopped in and looked at me and said ‘Hey Fran’, ‘Fran!’, ‘Hi, Fran’. It was like they were giving their approval, letting me know, or perhaps I was just much more interesting all of a sudden!
I’ve got to admit it. I was like a teenager at first. Totally enthralled with the woman I had met, and then when we broke up after three months I was singing all of those songs that teenagers sing about broken hearts and everything else. I was fairly useless as a mother for a while.
When I came out I lost a couple of friends but mostly I found if I took the time to explain my journey they were there for me. A few friends said ‘Just ride it out, why do you have to leave?’ but I couldn’t go back, I couldn’t pretend. And because the family unit broke down, I moved out and joined other groups. Then I realised the new people I met were more in tune with where I was and had more similar values to me than my previous connections. I’ve still got two or three really great friends from that time but largely it’s new friends now.
One of my counsellor’s suggestions was that I needed to meet people to make new friends. I joined a gay tennis club, a lesbian snorkelling club and then the choir. I’ve always loved singing and dreamed of singing on stage one day so joining the choir was a no brainer. It’s given me a really great friendship base and outlook on life. It’s given me travel, stimulation, the ability to achieve things that I’ve thought I’d like to do but never thought I would. On a Thursday I might think ‘I just want to stay on the couch’ but then I come and love it. We’re at a really high standard but we have fun. We care about each other and we help anyone going through a hard time. I call it ‘My other family’.
The Gay Games and singing in the Opera House were choir highlights. We also joined in with the other choirs from around the world and backed up k.d.laing - I’ll always remember the ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ as she approached the stage.